Sharp incline

(inspired by Guan, who writes better than me about this stuff)

Starting working in full-time ministry is exciting and terrifying at the same time, like walking along a steep cliff-face, like abseiling, like when you’re swimming at the beach and you go out past where you can touch the bottom.

Full-time ministry is exciting. There’s so much happening that you may not know or fully know as a churchgoer, even a churchgoer who is keen and involved. I’ve started thinking and talking in higher-order ideas about structures and relationships and things. I’ve been reading books about ministry (heretofore purchased but rarely looked at). I’ve visited Sydney Anglican HQ and met with people who I’ve previously only heard on MYC and KCC sermon tapes. And us MTSers get together a few times a year and I get to meet a lot of other young guys and girls who are bound together in the task (including the aforementioned Guan). But, most of all, I get to preach the gospel each week and study the Word a lot more, and that can only be a good thing.

But there is also terror. A lot of ministry feels foreign, in the way that my squash racquet feels like a cudgel in my hand, rather than a new appendage – meeting people, trying to draw new maps where old ones have failed, trying something, failing, and trying again. There is a lot of output, and not always with a visible result (in fact, sometimes with a discouraging result). Time is often against me. I often feel such an overwhelming sense of uncertainty about whether I am doing the right thing that I am frequently tempted to not try at all.

There is some relief, at least, in all of this.