On the End Of The Line, and what we found there
Reflecting on what I wrote nearly a month ago – in another life, almost – I guess maybe calling pregnancy the End of something was really a bit dismal. And, a bit premature. Ten days afterwards, our baby decided that it was time to meet us, and after a sleepless night of contractions, an early-morning trip to hospital, and a long day in the birthing unit, Josiah Caleb was born at 4:26pm on Sunday, 11th October 2009.
As you can see, he is a boy. We didn’t know this until he came out, although a midwife at the hospital nearly gave it away. (“Having a girl, are you?”) Many, many people suspected that he was, in fact, a girl, and so I think I can be a little bit smug that I stuck up for the little guy. He spent the first week or so of his life asleep, but he now wakes up a bit and opens his eyes to look at the world. In these moments, he seems mostly serious and contemplative, perhaps preoccupied with some inner dilemma. Still, we are very occasionally rewarded with a faint smile, which is probably due to some intestinal functions, but is an echo of what I hope will develop into genuine smiling in a few weeks.
Things have been interesting since the birth. The sensations of life change pretty dramatically: we felt completely disconnected from the outside world, living almost exclusively within the labour suite, the maternity ward, a bedroom. Life turns on feeding Josiah, giving him some awake time, and then putting him to sleep, before waking him up again to feed – if you are a Battlestar Galactica person, then you’ll know what I mean when I say that it can feel like this episode. There are nappies to be changed (and cleaned, and soaked, and washed). There are groceries to be bought. There are dishes to clean and floors to vacuum. How will it all work out when I return to my job tomorrow? I think back to the days of pregnancy – even extreme, any-minute-now pregnancy – and realise that life before children seems much less complicated now. Was it? I can’t really remember.
So begins parenthood. It’s new and exciting and weird, and a bit smelly. But, it turns out that the End Of The Line wasn’t really an end, but rather the Beginning of Something Much, Much Better.